No one likes you! Queueing for pastries and other tales
August 2023 in gossip
August 2023 in Gossip: No one likes you, you know!
Here’s a draft I wrote in August last year, which I found recently and thought is probably worth publishing now. It’s mostly about unlikeable characters in the Edinburgh food community. Despite a few footnotes, I’ve purposefully not updated or edited it; with hindsight it feels pretty poignant. It also coincides with Bross Bagel’s final closures; Vittle’s exploration of London bakeries and The BBC Food Programme’s exploration of hype bakeries.
As I am off work, I have spent a lot of time on Reddit, not a usual pastime for me, but in a hunt for truths, half-truths or further gossip, I love a good ole' internet rabbit hole.
In the vein of LA Confidential's ‘Round up, round up’, August has been quite a month for gossip in Edinburgh:
The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is on, and I've booked a meal with a friend at a pop-up at the Singapore Coffee House. On our way there, my friend and I discuss the evolving story of Bross Bagels on Facebook, firstly starting with the leak that suppliers had been informed that the place would be closing down, and the owner stating ‘that there was a massive breach of data protection’. Next, a report of the debt the business is really in is released…
The dining space is very tiny, and the tables are so close together. As we sit at the table, I suggest we adopt fake identities and tell made-up stories as you can hear pretty much everything happening around you. A gossip lover's dream! My ears perk up when I hear Bross Bagels come up in conversation to the left of us - a part of a story I've not yet heard. I can't wait to get home and Google again. “1.2 million pounds in debt, £500k of that to HMRC. But a new business registered with Companies House”. All too immorally common.
In all of this, Lara Bross comes across as an unlikeable character. No one seems to stand up or have sympathy for her predicament. This is interesting considering the vast amount of positive exposure her business has been given in the local press. Unapologetic, and no shame, just business as usual, posing for photos with "celebs" and Edinburgh Festival guests. No cessation of corny or wheaty bagel puns, no reference to the hole in their finances (can't claim this one I'm afraid). There's also barely any reference to or critique of her co-director Mark Miller on Reddit from what I can see. As I walk to a show at Summerhall and pass one of the stands, I feel so terribly, terribly sorry for the staff working there. Not only being put in a position of uncertainty, but no doubt having to face a barrage of questions from both well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning customers, those members of the public:
"Is your job safe, though?"
"The thing is, you expanded too fast."
"I never thought it was gonna work in that location."
The standard paint-by-numbers insensitivity.1
Here's the thing, though: in my early scroll through the Reddit comments, when they get the bit about the new company being set up and business continuity, someone mentions the fact that many local suppliers to the business, although in a lot of debt, will likely keep supplying the company as this may best way for them to recover any past losses. It made me realise that so many of these food chains are all living in credit or debt to each other, with small business owners often so focused on keeping production ticking over and getting the sales in, that often there’s not enough prioritisation of chasing overdue invoices. The spiral. The hype!
The food at Singapore House was excellent, by the way (IMHO)2.
Scenes from August 2023: Food at Singapore House, reading Rachel Connolly (a fave arbiter of gossip), Mary’s Milk Bar
As I walk back from the book festival, I pass Dalry cemetery and imagine myself walking through the space, (and by this I mean entering a public space) setting off the alarms and being accosted by the woman now suing the guy at the Friends of Dalry Cemetery. A grim sort of walking-home fantasy plays through my head: ‘I hope you lose the court case! No one likes you, you know!’ I shout, replying to her irritation. In this story, no one seems to be on her side apart from the lawyers; none of the papers paint her in a particularly good light, despite her posing for photos.
Finally, my third villain of the month is the member of the public who apparently stormed into Lannan Bakery's kitchen to tell owner Darcie Maher she should ‘be ashamed of herself' for regularly selling out of pastries.
I'm fond of bed. Therefore, I haven't queued for pastries yet at the recently opened Lannan3. People are getting there to queue at least an hour before it opens at 8 am. Although I've sampled Darcie's pastries and they’re great, I'm just not that eager to get up so early to queue. I'm the type of person who waits at the airport until the queue goes down, even if I have priority boarding. Of course, the real problem is the hype. When a particular place gets hyped up so much, the FOMO effect leads people to swarm to one place in hives. It's the opposite of the economic democratisation of bakeries that Scotland the Bread hoped to introduce in Scotland. It makes me wonder what is already being missed right on people's doorsteps, y'know. Have you heard of that small bakery with the new start with a talent for a decent sourdough, some natty lamination and a desire to break free from other people's businesses?4
Despite the tattoo of a croissant on my thigh, maybe I'm not actually that kinky for pastries? I'm reminded of a poignant conversation I had with Veronica Burke at the height of mid-2010's cupcake popularity about cupcake feminism, nutrition and trends. As I write this, my heart sinks thinking about the Barbie movie and realising that maybe if pink and sprinkles are hot again, it won't be long until we see cupcakes with soft serve in lieu of buttercream everywhere (in the UK). First ironically, and then deadly serious. I am throwing out my hot girl summer trend prediction for 2024.5 It's a trendy cultural fetishisation of food, food places and food makers that I think Finn McRemond was trying to critique in their awkwardly awful piece on Vittles but got hella wrong. As a non-Londoner, Vittles has encouraged me to think more deeply about all types of food and foodways rather than try to collect stamps on my Cool Girl6 Diners Club Loyalty Card.
I'm a lot less interested in documenting my life nowadays. My current status anxiety is more related to how I'm thinking about food rather than what I'm eating, but this is pretty internalised. Reading Vittles has encouraged me to be more open-minded in the city I live in, instead of going to my favourite places over and over again. Reading Vittles has also encouraged my natural tendancy to be a hater or to sniff out a scam. For me, it’s an important part of critical thinking in food.
Oh, hindsight!
And they’re doing special pop-up dinners and all day brunch at the Coffee House this August.
This hasn’t changed, I still love my bed more than 8 am pastries.
Please replace the words in italics with other food words of your choice, we have ample new bakeries
On that note, I love Bettina’s keen eye for US food trends, there’s often a delay for these to be incorporated in UK, but they always come! https://www.eater.com/authors/bettina-makalintal
Brat Girl Summer